Rules For Singing The Voltes V Theme Song

Here's a really fun read, written by Jon Torres. If you were/are a big Voltes V fan, you'll definitely relate to this. It's quite certain that many of us have done somewhat a bit of this way back then.

1) You must be under twelve years old.
2) It must be 1977.
3) "Body English" scores extra points.
4) You must not know any Japanese, but know the entire song by heart.
5) Judges are composed of peers, because grownups don't know anything.
6) Volume is a sign of enthusiasm and feeling.
7) So is utter lack of shame and dignity.
8) Consolation points for whoever accidentally rips apart their shorts while making an action pose.

I can still sing the entire theme song in Japanese from memory. But I don't necessarily understand it. It's clearly a holdover from our Voltes V days, when we sang those robot theme songs over and over, at the supermarket, at the store, at our friend's house. How our parents endured that, I'll never know. Kids were so addicted to those shows it made crack-cocaine look like fried peanuts.

The most intense juvenile game back then was the "I can sing the Voltes V song better than you!" When we would hear another kid singing it, we would sing even louder than him or her, trying to prove we can sing it "better" (read "louder") and with more feeling than anyone else. Using the rules mentioned above, the winner is usually decided by an audience or third party.

Heaven forbid that a grownup would meddle in these sacred kid-rituals, assuming the role of judge and jury to these singing maniacs. They didn't even know the song!

The third kid would either (1) referee or (2) compete even louder than the previous two, adding to the strained musical onslaught that by now resembled a frog-pond on a full moon. (Have you ever heard frogs croaking in broken Japanese?)

You play strategically (i.e. sing even louder) basically to upstage/shame the other impudent cretins who obviously can't sing it properly, and act like you are the ONE TRUE FAN of the show, and no one can possibly love it the way you do. And don't forget, putting the grand-finale pose mimicking Voltes V's punch gets you an extra Two Thousand Points!!!

I think pushing the other kid so he lands on his butt gets you Two Million Points. More if your victim was doing the finale-pose at the time. Usually if a kid beats you (i.e. he pushes you and you land on your butt) you are allowed to defend your honor by turning into a giant robot and yelling out your weapon of choice ("Voltes Bazooooookah!!!") and for realistic effect, you throw your slipper at him like a boomerang. This is usually when things reach critical mass, because inevitably the slipper would miss, hitting a nearby grownup in the forehead (or in unfortunate cases, in the cigarette).

This grownup activates the Unified Parent Alarm Klaxon (UPAK) which summons the parents of each respective child right ot the scene of the battle. One of two scenes will ensue:

1) Either parent says to the other, "Keep your awful child away from mine", which starts a lifelong blood-feud in the neighborhood. I believe that's how the darker parts of Tondo got that way.

2) Or more likely, each child is taken home and punished accordingly (e.g. no TV, or a swat on the already-sore butt they fell on) and told "You must NEVER do that anymore! Understand?"

Pouting and possibly crying, we nodded, and understood. Yes, we understood. We understood that NEVER meant "until you see that other kid again, maybe tomorrow".

Many thanks to Jon "Little John Armstrong" Torres.

More Voltes V On Nostalgia Manila
Voltes V Evolution Alienates Original Fans
Voltes V Stage Presentation Video
Commercial Break: Volt In Box! (TV Advert for Voltes V Toy)
Battle Of The Stars: Laida vs. Zandra
Quiz Time! Which member of Voltes V are you?

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